You need to have thick skin to be a step parent. It always seems like there are no right answers. Good job on having your wife's back. Just my .02, take the yelling and alcohol out of the equation. The kids will use it against you later. When raising step-kids, you have to pick and choose your battles. The battles you pick, you have to see it through to the end. She IS testing you and how far you will take it. You usually will have your toughest battle right before a breakthrough. When that breakthrough happens, reward it tons of love. Best of luck!