SoCal Jet Boats
Discussion => The No Wake Zone => Topic started by: steves86ta on April 24, 2014, 09:05:03 PM
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Hey guys,
I typically don't post things like this but I need to rant and if anyone has any experience feel free to say something.
So my girlfriend, I met when her daughter was almost three months old. The father was nowhere near the picture and I fell into that role. I love them both and feel like this was meant to be... yada yada yada enough mushy stuff.
Well she is now 10 months old and her sperm donor decided to pop up. In the 8 months I've known them he has asked for her once. Jen asked why, when, where (shit she needs to know) and he didn't reply. That was the last we have heard from him.
Fast forward to last Friday. Jen gets served papers at work, including a restraining order.
Now he wants 60/40 custody. I think because the pos wants jen to have to pay child support. And is stating jen is abusive, alcholoic, etc.
This is all bullshit, this guy is a drug dealer or was. Alcoholic, and doesn't work. He has not asked how she is, to see her, or anything but the one time. And never helped even buy a box of diapers or a container of food.
Now my gf is in a full on custody battle with a true POS. and the mediator told her that the courts assume you can provide for your child. Not have to prove it or anything.
On the other side. I get it. Its his daughter, he has rights, and I firmly believe he needs to be in her life. I also believe that she needs to make her own opinion of her father and not be influenced.
I'm so livid that I just wish this guy would have stayed away and disappeared.
Thanks for letting me rant
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No problem with the rant. That's a tough situation bro. Make sure you document everything names,dates,times paper work is always your best friend. Good luck!!
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Steve, I have not been in your exact situation, but close. Take a step back and a deep breath. This is not the only fight you will fight.
Take the high road. Be the best person you can be in front of the POS. It will give him no ammo to fight against you with.
I will pray for the best for you.
Frank
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I have never been in your situation, I hate that you are having to deal with this crap..
DO NOT GIVE UP. I don't know if it was fate, divine intervention, or what, but I started work at 2am this morning and when I got home this afternoon and just wanted to veg out in front of the TV for a bit before taking a much needed nap. That being said I was watching Dr. Phil (don't normally do that but the remote was half way across the room LOL) and this is the episode that was on.
http://drphil.com/shows/show/2215 (http://drphil.com/shows/show/2215)
I wish you the best of luck and hope everything comes up roses...
Your a good man Charlie Brown...
GT
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Thanks guys! Just needed somewhere to vent and knew my Scjb family would be the place! I'll check out that show in a bit GT.
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Wait... What ? He served you guys a restraining order ? For what ?!
I also think it's bs that he thinks he has a right to the baby when he bailed from the beginning. I agree with gt DO NOT GIVE UP. You've been there for that baby when he didn't want the responsibility. Keep doing what your doing and just be there for your family. In situations like this that's the best thing you can do.
I hope this all goes away for you bud
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Hi there.... I am one of the few girls on here.... So I thought I'd pipe in on this one ...
I can speak from experience, but in a diff way.... I am the step mom to my hubby's son and been in the pic since he was 2, and he's now 10. We have been through similar situations, only reverse the parent roles (us being the responsible side).
Here is what we have learned, via consulting attourneys etc... (And which will benefit you and mama) I agree 100% with Maloney! keep records of EVERYTHING. dates, times, visits, texts, emails, messages, phone calls, everything! And details of all said things also. Unfortunately for us, but great for you, we have learned it is extremely hard, almost next to impossible to take a child from a mother. If drugs are involved and can be proven then that's a diff story, but pretty much everything else doesn't matter.
With the sounds of this guys past with his baby girl, your girlfriend will have no worries proving him to be unfit. Also like someone else mentioned... ALWAYS play the nice-nice. Kill him with kindness, especially when he's throwing you guys under the bus.... Give him absolutely nothing that he can hold against you or throw out there as being crazy or out of control. And also as another said, this will most likely not be the first time of many of him trying this crap.... You and your girlfriend have a lot in your favor... Stay positive, patient, and always be the better people....
I understand what you are going through and how frustrating things can get.... Good luck.... 😊
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I'd like to start out by saying I don't mean to be rude or imply anything, I am currently in a very ugly custody battle with my ex.
From someone that has been made out to be "that guy" you don't know the whole story, and never will. There are three sides to every story... When my ex first gave birth we split up, I was trying to see my daughter as much as I could (I was going to school full time and working two jobs). Plus every time would try and pick her she would want to talk and try and get back together with me. I wanted no part of her but wanted to see my daughter. So I got a lawyer, my lawyer actually told me we need to file for the moon and we will settle later. Additionally he told me to stop talking to her, paying for anything, and seeing her... 8 moths later I was grated visitation and worked my way to 50/50.
Fast forward a couple years, my ex abducted our daughter and drove her to Georgia to live out there. Had her a whole month before I was granted temporary 100% custody. Now she has monitor visitation and phone contact, because she decided she was going to "move back out here".
Long story short, documentation is key. Recordings, times, dates, people, places, everything! You can never have to much. Additionally this is not your fight, it is something your girl and her ex need to deal with. You really need to just be supportive and not whined her up about too much.
It looks like you have a great head on your shoulders and understand most of this already, but it won't be over quickly and it is going to be expensive. If in my case I knew the truth was going to come to the surface sooner or later, so we just had to let it play out and do the best I could to raise her. I have had a long time girlfriend through most of this, and she really never commented on any of. She doesn't try and be a mom, she doesn't try to tell me what I should do about things with my ex, she doesn't really even talk about her, she's never even seen or talked to my ex.
Sorry that was a whole lot longer than I meant it to be. There are others going through similar situations, so just remember you aren't alone.
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Steve, I have not been in your exact situation, but close. Take a step back and a deep breath. This is not the only fight you will fight.
Take the high road. Be the best person you can be in front of the POS. It will give him no ammo to fight against you with.
I will pray for the best for you.
Frank
100% agree. Never been there done that but so many of my buddies have. Nothing you can do bro. As harsh as it sounds what I'm about to say but...you had no say or decision making in who your gf made a child with before you came around. Which means you have no say in this whatsoever. Lay back and chill out but at the same time be supportive. So many douchebags I wanted to stomp the scull out myself but unfortunately for every reaction there is a consequence. Don't learn the lesson the hard way like most of us did. Let your gf and the douchebag battle it out, good news for you bro, we live in ca (didn't check your profile not sure if you do so I'm just assuming cause it's scjb) so the courts are in her favor cause she's a woman. Good luck and never be afraid to post a rant. We are Dr. Phil bitch!!!!!!!! Lol.
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I'd like to start out by saying I don't mean to be rude or imply anything, I am currently in a very ugly custody battle with my ex.
From someone that has been made out to be "that guy" you don't know the whole story, and never will. There are three sides to every story... When my ex first gave birth we split up, I was trying to see my daughter as much as I could (I was going to school full time and working two jobs). Plus every time would try and pick her she would want to talk and try and get back together with me. I wanted no part of her but wanted to see my daughter. So I got a lawyer, my lawyer actually told me we need to file for the moon and we will settle later. Additionally he told me to stop talking to her, paying for anything, and seeing her... 8 moths later I was grated visitation and worked my way to 50/50.
Fast forward a couple years, my ex abducted our daughter and drove her to Georgia to live out there. Had her a whole month before I was granted temporary 100% custody. Now she has monitor visitation and phone contact, because she decided she was going to "move back out here".
Long story short, documentation is key. Recordings, times, dates, people, places, everything! You can never have to much. Additionally this is not your fight, it is something your girl and her ex need to deal with. You really need to just be supportive and not whined her up about too much.
It looks like you have a great head on your shoulders and understand most of this already, but it won't be over quickly and it is going to be expensive. If in my case I knew the truth was going to come to the surface sooner or later, so we just had to let it play out and do the best I could to raise her. I have had a long time girlfriend through most of this, and she really never commented on any of. She doesn't try and be a mom, she doesn't try to tell me what I should do about things with my ex, she doesn't really even talk about her, she's never even seen or talked to my ex.
Sorry that was a whole lot longer than I meant it to be. There are others going through similar situations, so just remember you aren't alone.
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More2Life
I agree 110%. I dont know him, ive never met him, and dont really want to. All i do know is that he is 34, still lives with his mom and doesnt work.
Like i said earlier. I know he has rights, and I for one do not want to keep him from her. I just think hes coming off a little strong in the beginning. Especially when my personal opinion is that he is unfit. Again it is totally Biased and I Personally have no proof.
I know that he is "self-representing" so i know he cant afford a lawyer. Which is whatever we really cant either but are making the sacrifices so we can. I am sorry to hear about what happened to you, that is rough and i cant even imagine being in your shoes.
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I just want to say thank you to everyone i really appreciate the words of support and the advice i have received on here.
I know this is not my fight and i have 100% no say so. I just am sitting here on the sidelines for Jen and Natallie. I have to be the positive one for both of them and remind them its not the end of the world. And i am also the one trying to convince her that "killing her with kindness" is the way to be. Meanwhile im sitting here making sure everything is documented and recorded.
I just cant vent to her because if she sees me flustered with the situation i cant imagine how bad she will be. So i turn to you guys, thank you all for listening to me vent. Ill keep you all posted. And again i really do appreciate the advice.
We need a future Jet Boat Captain
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And i PRAY that he doesnt meet me, find out who i am or anything. I am in the hiring process for riverside county dispatch. All i need is a restraining order against me and lose my chance at a great opportunity
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Yeah, he probably got some advise from a couple guys while drinking that he could get more. But I don't know coming from the father side, it is damn near impossible to remove a child from the mothers care.
From what I have been informed, as long as his name is not on the birth certificate he will be given some kind of visitation and it will more than likely be steps into 50/50. They have tiers for different ages, and until they start school it's normally split. When I child starts school it's a different animal.
Or unless you can prove unhealthy or an unsafe living environment. Well if she is with you guys she won't ever look unhealthy because she will be feed and cared for by you guys, and good luck proving an unsafe living environment. There is ways by nine of them are really legal, and most won't hold up in a court of law.
If you guys are getting a lawyer, it's probably the best thing you could do. It is overly expensive so make sure you pick a good one, not the cheapest either. I didn't check where is was you are from by I'm in Orange County and I have a pretty good lawyer. Straighten shooter, knows the law, and most importantly knows a lot of people in the field.
Other than that it sounds like you really know what you're doing, just keep at it and like said over and over again "killing with kindness".
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Yeah, he probably got some advise from a couple guys while drinking that he could get more. But I don't know coming from the father side, it is damn near impossible to remove a child from the mothers care.
From what I have been informed, as long as his name is not on the birth certificate he will be given some kind of visitation and it will more than likely be steps into 50/50. They have tiers for different ages, and until they start school it's normally split. When I child starts school it's a different animal.
Or unless you can prove unhealthy or an unsafe living environment. Well if she is with you guys she won't ever look unhealthy because she will be feed and cared for by you guys, and good luck proving an unsafe living environment. There is ways by nine of them are really legal, and most won't hold up in a court of law.
If you guys are getting a lawyer, it's probably the best thing you could do. It is overly expensive so make sure you pick a good one, not the cheapest either. I didn't check where is was you are from by I'm in Orange County and I have a pretty good lawyer. Straighten shooter, knows the law, and most importantly knows a lot of people in the field.
Other than that it sounds like you really know what you're doing, just keep at it and like said over and over again "killing with kindness".
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Thanks, yeah we will see what happens. And i know its not cheap. Its a long road but we are ready.
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From a guy (me) who got custody, I can assure you it is NOT an easy or cheap process. He will have to petition the court, get statements from witnesses, file a proof of findings, then PROVE in court that the mother is unfit, then it will be determined by the courts, who to send (legally) to check out the unfitness of the mother and the child's surroundings.
It took me 5 years and several, several thousands of dollars (don't really know how much...A-LOT), to do it, and I was finally granted 100% custody. And that was with my lawyer doing it all exactly, and legally like it needed to be. I had a job (8years on at the time) a house mortgage, newer car, remarried with a child and great credit, all opposite of my Exwife, and it was a long drawn out fight thru the system. My ex was also charged with contempt of court twice and had 2 lawyers quit on her because of her stupidity and ridiculousness and it was still hard for me to win. I still have no idea how she was able to afford to hire the lawyers.
If the child is in a good stable environment, I wouldn't be overly worried or concerned, BUT, like others have said, make sure she crosses her T's, and dots her I's on everything.
Good luck, ken
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I was in a custody Battle for 5 years my ex wife lived With her parents and my ex mother inlaw was beating and tormenting my daughter she was leaving no bruises and every Time a called the police. There was nothing i could do so what i did was started documenting every thing. Phone calls time visited. I had my eyes ears open was nice
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To continue. I had a attorney. from the time i divorced He said you must document. Every thing keep your ears ears open pay attention to every little thing that happens While i have her.so i did .long story short be nice keep your kool .what i started doing was going to court. And file paper work On any little thing that was happening. The paperwork that is gathered through Divorce separation or whatever goes on thorough the kid life time the courts will all ways have a file on the case so at any time you can add to that file. Good luck an keep fighting and be smart..
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And i PRAY that he doesnt meet me, find out who i am or anything. I am in the hiring process for riverside county dispatch. All i need is a restraining order against me and lose my chance at a great opportunity
You should not have any interaction with him. You are absolutely right! If he was able to get a restraining order against your girl, he obviously has some contacts. Don’t allow him to destroy your life with all of the ugliness that is about to happen.
If your girl hasn’t already done so, she should immediately file with the Department of Child Support Services. Legally, she has every right to receive child support and arrears from the time of birth. The support of DCSS will be very beneficial to her as well as a permanent thorn in his side.
One thing I didn’t see in the suggestions made to document everything is: Make sure that she documents every time the child spends the night. As far as DCSS is concerned, it does not matter if the child spends all day with her and is only taken home right before bed time. Child support is calculated by the number of nights spent with the parent. Basically, if the child spends ever day (all day) with the father and only sleeps at the mother’s residence, the father is still liable for child support.
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Thank you everyone for the advice and insight i have had her read the thread. She says thank you very much