SoCal Jet Boats
Discussion => The No Wake Zone => Topic started by: blackbeard on February 17, 2009, 09:02:33 PM
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Hi Guys.
sorry this might not be the place to do this but i need to blow off some steam. i just received a call from my ex wife telling me that my not yet 15 yr old daughter might be pregnant. supposedly happened while she was here visiting me for xmas holiday. she and her boyfriend only went out three times while she was here and was supposed to be with his parents or sister all the time they are together. she is not sure if she is or not but ex bought a home pregnancy test to find out tomorrow morning. really feeling like i need to go and have a "talk" with him and his parents. but i really dont need to be in jail either. right now i am so pisssed it isn`t even funny. just dont know what to do and feel like if i keep it bottled up i will explode.
again sorry if this isn`t the place to do this just needed to for my sanity. otherwise i`m liable to go and do something i will be sorry for. thanks for letting me rant a little on this.
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Sorry for your pain Blackbeard,
Even if she is not pregnant, a surprise meeting with your daughter, the boy and his parents is definitely appropriate. If the boy is over 18, I would press charges...If she is pregnant, I would try and convince them to take responsibility for their careless, selfish and maybe even illegal actions by doing the only caring thing for the child by placing it for adoption. You will be probably be vilified and hated for proposing such a thing, and your daughter and ex may team up against you...but it is the BEST most loving option for the baby, and your daughter may learn something from it too...It's going to be alot of work.
my .02
p-jet
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I was going to PM you and say pretty much the same thing p-jet just did. I see this story everyday, really, it is what I do. Adoption is by far the best choice for everyone ESPECIALLY the baby and your daughter. It is so hard for the girl and the family to focus on the future instead of the present, but that is what needs to happen.
Explain that:
Young forced marriages don't last and divorces just set back everything financially and emotionally.
Large majority of prisoners are children of single parent households
75% of runaways are children of single parent households
Most single mothers don't finish college therefore will never make what they otherwise would have.
Much harder to get married if you already have a child.
"Do you love your father?" "Then why would you not choose the best man possible for you own child?" or worse "Why would you choose to raise a baby that you know will not have a father around?"
Wouldn't the baby have more opportunity and probability of having a great life with 2 parents that are already firmly established with good careers and a comfortable house?
Above all don't got crazy on her because you need to be able to talk to her openly and she needs to not fear you. She is plenty scared already I am sure. Preg tests are pretty reliable, especially if used a few weeks into the pregnancy, but get her to a doctor for a check up anyway. If she is, she starts working on that pregnancy as JOB 1. Exercise, diet, reading medical literature, and getting AHEAD IN SCHOOL. She will be missing a lot, she needs to move ahead in her studies now! Your schools will have special programs such as Independent Study, use them.
Get the boy involved financially if he is over 18. He needs to sweat too. He needs to want to sign off on adoption AND he needs to learn not to impregnate anybody else.
I am sorry if I come off as an Adoption Nazi but I was adopted, and many of my circle of friends and co-workers are too. I am on the front lines with this daily, and I see what happens when it goes both ways. Keeping the baby CAN work, but it is rare and difficult for everyone.
She is so young, help her to see that she will still have 20 years or more to do it right again, but in a way that maximizes her chances for success. In the end that is all that everyone, including people like me that have never even met her, wish for her.
Tell her a bunch of cool peeps all over the country are pulling for her to make some painful decisions that will allow a baby to have the best life possible from the very start. I know people her would tell her that the "right" decisions are often the hardest ones to make.
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Awesome Glasscutter...
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Very good responses. Honestly, I am at a loss on this one. I have 12 year old and 17 year old daughters. Dunno what I'd do. I know what I joke about, and have done, is clean machine guns when the 17 year old has a date pick her up. She hates me for that! As for what I'd do, I just dunno. Good advice from both of you.
I also have a 14 year old son, and given reversed roles, again, at a loss. Just have to love them and help them through this. That's what parenting is.
Ray
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I bought a t-shirt for one of my co-workers whose daughter just started high school this year. He was having the usual problems of being Dad to a thin, pretty, competitive dance trained daughter now that the boys are sniffing around.
It reads GUNS DON'T KILL PEOPLE, FATHERS OF BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTERS KILL PEOPLE
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I feel your pain Blackbeard, just went through a scare a few weeks ago with my 16 y/o son and his gf. She had convinced him to try and get her pregnant!!! All her friends were pregnant and she wanted to be too. Thank God she got her . that was a big relief. I let my son know that I was both angry and disappointed with him. It was hard but I didn't yell at him. Figured it would be counter productive. Luckily he came to his senses (thanks to numerous lectures by my ex and me) and has since been using protection. I truly support what Glasscutter and P Jet said. I hope it all works out for you brother!!!
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sorry for what you are going through, i cannot even imagine what i would do in the same situation, it does however seem that glass cutter has a very good point and some great advice, whatever you do, don't go ape shit on her, as stated, it will probably be counter productive, wait till all is said and done, then go ape shit on her boyfriend, not physically, we don't want you in jail, just put the fear of dad in him :)
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A few years ago when my kids were in diapers and whatnot, I liked to show the kids in the Preg. Minors Program my receipts for groceries, diapers, doctors, etc. When they saw how expensive it was just to house and feed a family, for whatever reason, THAT seemed to make a big impression on them. It just made me cry :mad:
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This is something i have always wanted to do ;D
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Hey Guys
thanks alot for the advice. her ex boyfriend is 15. still haven`t heard from the ex yet on what is going on. tried to call. and yeah Glass i have been thinking all day long about this and i don`t plan to go off on her. probably what i would have done a few yrs ago though. no matter what way it goes it wont stop my from loving her. being angry and disappointed is another thing. i don`t believe in abortion except for two reasons, which i wont get into. and i know there is no way she is ready for a baby. so to me that only leaves two options and those would be she keeps the baby with support from my ex and myself or she give it up for adoption. and my thinking is that the best for her,the baby and my ex and myself is that she gives up for adoption. it could probably be done with a couple of close relatives but at the same time that is to close. and there is always the possibility of her or the baby trying to find each other later.
and oh yeah i plan to have a talk with the bf and his parents. but going to make sure that ex and her husband are there also just to make sure i dont do anything stupid.
i kind of went through something like this with my sister but she was also 18. and i do have to say my i love my niece. i was pissed off and angry with my now brother-in-law for her being pregnant. but then i realized it takes two. that is what is stopping me from doing anything stupid right now. also waiting to hear from ex also.
but i do appreciate all the responses and encouragement from you guys.
and yeah i am PRAYING it is a false alarm. but then i guess if it is i also have to deal with her being sexually active. which i think i can handle better then her being pregnant.
to 2sav i dont know if that is in favor of being adopted or not. just look at all your posts and such........lol.. j/k...
trying to keep a sense of humor here.
and well if she i guess that is one hellofa bday present for me.
thanks again for letting me rant guys.
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OUCH !
Even went he is at one of the low points in his entire life, the dude still has the strength and good character to smack 2sav right in the jimmy. Well played Blackbeard.
J/K 2sav but you gotta admit you left yourself open for it ::)
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OUCH !
Even went he is at one of the low points in his entire life, the dude still has the strength and good character to smack 2sav right in the jimmy. Well played Blackbeard.
J/K 2sav but you gotta admit you left yourself open for it ::)
Yes i know, I guess i didnt think about it as usual..
Comments deleted
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How's yer fleet coming 2sav? Feels like Spring already around here.
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well if i didn`t keep a sense of humor right now i think i would go freakn bonkers.
but lucky enough 2sav knows it is all in fun and not mean spirited.