SoCal Jet Boats
Discussion => The No Wake Zone => WarZone => Topic started by: beerjet on August 01, 2007, 06:38:29 PM
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Do I need to explain myself!
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-beerjet-
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how true is that
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Soo true , But thay have uses ;D ;D
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dont forget your plug
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-beerjet-
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-beerjet-
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-beerjet-
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-beerjet-
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;D Holy S__T I damn near pee d myself!!!!!!! >:D
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50 THINGS A GIRL MUST KNOW
1.If you want to cuddle after sex go buy a teddy bear.
2.Swallow. Don't start the race if you ain't gonna finish it.
3.While giving a hand job please remove all rings from your
fingers, they hurt really bad.
4.Shave your shit. Seriously, shave it bald.
5.Remember that a little blood never hurt nobody.
6.There is no such thing as a fat, ugly, blow job.
7.If you ask us to any sort of dance that requires that we wear a
tie, we expect a sexual favor in return.
8.If you used a vibrator and let us watch it might be the greatest
moment of our life.
9.If you wonder why we will not eat you out it is most likely
because; it stinks, its hairy, or it stinks and its hairy.
10.You masturbate and we know it. When you do it just let us watch.
11.Birth control is the best invention ever. Start poppin those
bitches.
12.Just cause we call you when we are drunk does not mean that we like you. It means that we need some ass.
13. Guys night out means guys night out. It doesn't mean that you and your friends meet us at the bar later.
14. If you wonder why your ass looks fat in those tight pants its
because you have a fat ass.
15. If you are with us and you start to cry for any reason just get
up and leave.
16. Don't think that we don't know that after we take you out and
you order a salad to make us think you eat healthy that you go home and order pizza with your fat friends.
17. Once again, seriously shave your shit.
18. Just cause you get our dick one night, does not give you any
right to get it the next.
19. If we drink too much, we do not need someone to hold our hair back and act like our babysitter. We have puked before and know how to handle it.
20. After we are through with you, do not expect to make us jealous by fucking our friends. We really don't care what you do.
21. If we cheat on you and you never find out about it, then its not cheating.
22. If we cheat on you and you do find out, at least it wasn't with
one of your friends.
23. Swallow(just in case you forgot .2 already).
24. We don't have a problem with watching chick flicks as long as we get in your pants after.
25. Never under any circumstance take a shit while you are around us or fart. Just thinking about it makes us sick.
26. While giving us head don't be afraid to fondle our testicles,
they don't bite.
27. If you are gonna jerk us off aim properly, a nut can irritate
your eye.
28. Always remember that men are the superior sex and back in the day you had to ask us if you could speak.
29. If we're about to have sex and we decline because we don't have a rubber its not because we're scared we're gonna get you pregnant, its that we're scared we're gonna catch something from your dirty skank ass.
30. If you swallow like you should, do not expect us to kiss you
after. Sorry that's just the way it is.
31. I don't care if you do have a flavored condom, you just don't
give a blow job with a condom on. Would you like us to eat you out with a dental damn?? I didn't think so.
32. If we're doing it doggy style there is no reason to turn around
and look at us, we're focused on your ass cheeks and that slapping sound.
33. Blood stains on our bed sheets come off with cold water, so make sure you scrub them thoroughly before leaving.
34. When we go down on you to munch on your rug and we instantly start suckin g on the inner thighs rather than the clit, its because your clit smells like a dead trout.
35. If you let us donkey punch you we will owe you for life.
36. Just cause we have sex with you when we are drunk does not mean that you are pretty or that we like you. It means that you were our only choice.
37. If we dance with you for more than 15 minutes at a bar we expect you to come home with us.
38. If you think that you are ugly, we probably do too.
39. Don't count on us saying we love you, its just not going to
happen.
40. If for some reason we do say we love you its only because we
want to have sex immediately after we say it.
41. Just cause you have our phone number doesn't mean we want you to call us. If we want to talk then we will call you.
42. If you invite us over to watch a movie it would be awesome if we watched a porn instead of a movie.
43. If you can't dance then you most likely suck in bed. So stop
trying to dance and start having more sex.
44. Hmmmmm......girls in thongs.......yummmmmmmmmm
45. If you are fat the only way you are going to get anywhere in
life is to give great blow jobs. Sorry that's just the way it is.
46. A sure way to keep a guy around for awhile is to have anal sex with him. We can't put into words how it feels.
47. You don't have to ask our permission to make out with another chick. Just do it but make sure we are there to watch.
48. In case you didn't read .4 and .17 let me repeat...Shave your shit!
49. Guys don't have sex or make love, we fuck.
50. You can impress us if you can swallow our entire load without
dripping or wiping your mouth afterwards.
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i'm fucking laughing so hard i'm crying ;D ;D ;D
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thats some funny azz sh@t....I can never let the wife see that or see me laugh at it....Its just the way it is
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Every bit of it true !
-beerjet-
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LMAO ;D
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That is some funny shit. I am LMFAO
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-beerjet-
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I sent these to my boss. He's at home and sick. He just called me laughing soo hard.
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Men strike back!
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine
will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them
to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling
at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told
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I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's
sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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Women will never be equal to men
until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
gut, and still think they are sexy.
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
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:D Thats just too fukin much !
-beerjet-
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That is awesome. I can't stop laughing.
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that's funny shit :D
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;D
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New Seat Belt LAW
The national Highway Safety Council has done extensive testing on a newly designed seat belt. Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 45% when the belt is properly installed. Correct installation is illustrated below.......
This is very Important, please pass on to friends and family.
THIS MAY SAVE A LIFE!
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RULES FOR THE LADIES
* If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
* Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
* Don't cut your hair. Ever.
* Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present, again!
* If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
* Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
* Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as fishing, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
* Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.
* Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
* Sunday 3D Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
* Shopping is not a sport.
* Anything you wear is fine. Really.
* You have enough clothes.
* You have too many shoes.
* Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
* Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot and your Dad probably is too.
* Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
* No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
* Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
* Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes; what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
* Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
* A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor, now.
* Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend.
* Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
* Check your oil.
* Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.
* Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
* Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
* If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
* If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
* Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how truly pretty you are?
* Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
* You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - but not both.
* Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
* Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
* Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
* Consider Golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.
* Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazines.
* The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
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When Bob found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.
So, one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.
He approached her and said: 'I may look like just an ordinary man, but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit over 20 million dollars.'
Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later, she became his stepmother.
see what im sayin..........
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Lovin that one Chromey.
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HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN
Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with tile cleaner.
Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake willy at her making the woo-woo' sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.
Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair.
Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Wee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time. Admire willy size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.
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The Chaz,
Holly sh** thats funny !!!! I almost fell off the couch ;D ;D
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I love this chick!! The Miracle Beer Diet!
http://www.break.com/index/the-miracle-beer-diet.html
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The caption at the end is great...
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chaz that is some funny shit, everyone at work was trying to figure out why i was laughing so hard ;D