SoCal Jet Boats
Discussion => The No Wake Zone => WarZone => Topic started by: Ralph Brunt on July 05, 2008, 06:15:14 PM
-
Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change: $20.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total: $21.00
Oil Change instructions for Men :
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cl eaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
Cool Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to a void environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
1Cool Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
2Cool Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car fr om jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
3Cool Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $20.00
Total: $4,145.00
But you know the job was done right!
-
Now thats funny!
-
Yeah thats a good one........
2sav
-
sounds about right ;D
-
good one ralph ;D
-
You might be better off going to Luney Lube yourself, and tip the guy an extra $20 to not use the impact on the drain plug. ;D
Then use the money saved to fuel the boat.
-
Take it to the dealer or a true proffesional where they have trained and well supervised staff ,pay extra for good oil and quality filter , having looked (and supervised) 20,000 + warranty and ins powertrain claims and been in the bus for 30+ years I can safely say that the majority of "failures" are without regard "maintenance related" Cheap quicky service is sold by using cheap products and undertrained staff (Oh the stories my data base could tell) Most of the oils and filters we all came to know and love are not what they used to be ,all "cost driven".... in the 80's when I was "on the road" I drove a new "cheapy" 86' Dodge Colt 500,000 (verifiable) miles in 6 years with no internal engine repairs ever ,just 3000 mile oil changes ,then I gave the car to Josh and he drove the wheels of it before giving it away again ! Tom
BTW Cute story Ralph ,sorry for the thread jack ;)
-
Ralph, now THAT is some funny stuff!