Here's my thought on a happy wife, lol since that is what got me into this thread.
Cin apporved of this BTW, did this joke on her a few years ago, so I'm good on the karma side of it!
Rich guy and poor guy are in a bar, get to talking. Rich guy says "hey it;s my anniversary!" to which the poor guy says "no shit? Mine too!! What'd you get your wife?"
Rich guy says, " I bought her the most beautiful diamond necklace you can imagine, but just in case she hates it, I bought her a new Mercedes 650SL so she can go exchange it if she wants"
They drink a few more beers, and then finally, the rich guy asks, "What'd you get your wife?"
He looks in his beer and says" Well, I bought her some new slippers and a dildo. That way if she don't like the slippers she can go phuck herself."
Lol I love that joke,
Ray