How To Catch A Date On CL
Date: 2010-02-17, 3:26PM EST
Gentlemen,
Here are some words of semi-wisdom from a real live 30-something woman on how to up your chances that a real, live woman will respond to your post.
1. She probably won't. That's right - women really do rule the roost here. Respond to her post. But...
2. If you are up for a challenge and can write funny (you know who you are), then you definitely have an advantage.
3. If you're not sure whether or not you can write funny, you can't. See points below.
4. Stop whining about getting spam. You are a man posting on CL. You will get spam. Deal.
5. Put your age in your ad.
6. If you're a man 25 years or younger, go to a bar and get rejected in person. It builds character.
7. Unless a woman asks you to send you a picture of your penis, refrain from emailing or putting this type of picture in your post. I believe there is this thing called "internet porn" (perhaps you have heard about it) where I can look at all the penises I want to.
8. The "I wonder if he is a serial killer" photo. Oh, you know what I'm talking about. The photo shot of your bare torso in the mirror sans head. Id rather see no picture at all because all I can think about is "It rubs the lotion on it's skin or else it gets the hose again" from The Silence of the Lambs. But if you are looking to give off the serial killer vibe, then you're on the right track!
9. HEADLINES IN ALL CAPS will only get you noticed because its fucking annoying. Lets look at an example. FACE DOWN ,ASS Up and let me HANDLE it. Oh, yes, Im all over that. It made me really hot that you apparently dont know where a comma should go. Oh yeah baby.
10. For all you $$ generous guys out there your prices are way too low, especially if you want that hot college coed. $2000/month for up for 4-5 times a month is a good market value price to begin with. And, no, I am not a pro.
11. Speaking of non-pro only did I miss the day where people stopped using the word hooker or is that just a sly enough euphemism so that your post wont get removed? Does this mean that us non-pros are not pros in the bedroom because youre not paying for sex?
8. You write defensively and are mad as hell and are not going to take it anymore. Example: "I'm a hot guy with really high standards. I make a lot of money. What is up with all the fat chicks here? Im so sick of this shit. If you email me, send my your stats AND a picture. I mean, I'm a hot guy." And blah, blah blah...
Gee, I like nothing more than going out with someone who is angry, defensive and who is incredibly sexually frustrated. Good times!
If you are that bent out of shape, call a hooker. Nothing wrong with that, as long as you're safe. I'll save the "non-pro only" commentary for another time.
9. Run spell check, use apostrophes (e.g., "ur" instead of "your or you're") and there's this thing called a space bar that should have come with your computer - use it.
10. Women will most likely not list their weight in a post. Swap photos in the first or second email exchange. If she's reluctant to send a picture, this could be a red flag or she may not know how to use any basic computer program where she can send a photo showing her body type without her face. Come to think of it, this could be a red flag as well.
11. There are no real 18-22 year old women who post here. I know this comes as a shock. Take a couple of deep breaths. It will be okay.
12. Avoid the use of the following phrases and words: Asian pearl (are you kidding me?!) and Yearning for Asian poontang (even if I was Asian, I would want you as far away from my poontang as possible).
Happy hunting!
