I've lived in pain for ... Shit, can't remember when it didn't feel like I had a dull knife twisting under my shoulder blade...have I thought about suicide...sure...plenty. The day you have a child, or commit yourself to a spouse, that option goes away. Now, you have a duty....and anything other than being there for your wife and kids is a dick move. If you choose that path, don't look for sympathy from me.