She Doesn't Go To Public School - home schooling does have its merits
 
I was eating breakfast with my 10-year-old Granddaughter and I asked her,
 
"What day is tomorrow?"; She said "It's President's Day!"
 
She is a smart kid. I asked "What does President's Day mean?"
I was waiting for something about Washington or Lincoln .... etc.
 
She replied, "President's Day is when President Obama steps out of the White House,
and if he sees his shadow, we have 4 more years of Bull Shit."
 
You know, It hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose!

Heard this one at lunch today and I spit chewed up potato chips all over the parking lot.

B-Rad, feel free to delete this if it is a little over the top...


So a business man new to the San Francisco bay area was looking to get a drink after a hard day at the office. The first bar he goes into near the office was full of suits and just seemed to "stiff" to truly be able to relax and just have a drink or two.

The next place he goes into right down the street was way too loud and flashy for him he felt out of place..

So he goes a few blocks down the road and pops into a pretty cool looking place, seemed tastefully done, was clean and neat and everybody was real low key...There were few to no women around, but he doesn't seem to notice, he only wanted a drink or two and a cab ride home.

So he sits down at the bar, orders a drink and just sort of people watches for a bit, everybody seemed so friendly...

So after a couple of drinks, he thanks the bartender, throws down a nice tip and ask where he could find the restroom, the bartender says"just down that hall and down the stairs"...

He gets to the restroom without any drama and takes a whiz, as he turns around to wash his hands he is utterly shocked to see one guy bent over the counter top getting drilled from behind and the guy doing the drilling getting drilled also...

Partially in shock, he leaves the restroom and figures he should let someone know what the hell is going on in there.. He gets to the bar and quietly tells the bartender what's going on, the bartender looks at him and smiles and asks "was one of the guys wearing a red and white plaid shirt?" The guy says "Yeah! the one in the middle!", the bartender responds "Yeah, Ronnie is lucky at cards too"....

The man almost gets sick and leaves the bar...

Hey guys, I really need your advice on a serious problem:

I have suspected my wife has been cheating on me. Usual signs, like if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up... she goes out with the girls a lot. I try to stay awake and look out for her when she comes home but I usually fall asleep.

Anyway, last night I hid in the shed behind the the boat. About midnight she came home and got out of someone's car while buttoning her blouse then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on.

It was at that moment crouched behind the boat that I noticed a hair-line crack in the reverse bucket.

Is that something I can weld myself or do I need to replace it?

Sent from my DROID RAZR HD using Tapatalk 2

what does a pimp and a cowboy have in common?


they both know how to throw a hoe down

not very tasteful but heard this today
what do radial tires and Obama have in common?
if u put chains on em they sing

Good on GC

Q: How do you know when your girlfriend is getting too fat?

A: She fits into your wife's clothes!

Random a and off topic, but if that's your truck in the little signature thing. You work about a 1/4 mile from me. I used to see you driving to work.


Sent while day dreaming...

^^^      


I finally figured out why the Toyota Prius always looked to me like a huge suppository, every time I get behind one on the freeway I want to shove it up the drivers ass....

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.
She puts on her robe and goes down stairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of
coffee in front him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"
The husband looks up, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 17?"
he asks solemnly. The wife is touched thinking her
husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do," she replies.
The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when you father caught us in the back seat of my car?"
"Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside
him. The husband continues..."Do you remember when he shoved a
shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my
daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years".
"I remember that too", she replies softly.
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says... "I would have gotten out today!"

A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks.

"I'm going down to give blood."

"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"

"About $20."

"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman angrily gets off the elevator.

The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.

"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"

"Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full.

Good ones!!

 

Ha, that's a good one.


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