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muffbro

  • Karma: +3/-0
Re: Quick jokes
« Reply #250 on: March 04, 2013, 04:29:46 PM »
Sweet


Sent from da phone
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I always wanted to be somebody...

I guess I should have been more specific.

GlassCutter

  • Karma: +31/-0
Re: Quick jokes
« Reply #251 on: March 07, 2013, 08:31:44 AM »
Thanks for the warning Beerjet   >:D

Pay attention, this is serious!
Be careful what you buy on eBay.
 
If you buy stuff on line, check out the seller carefully.
 
I just spent $95 on a penis enlarger.
 
Bastards sent me a magnifying glass.
 
The only instructions were,"Do not use in sunlight."
  • Boat #1: 1973  Wriedt Montara 23
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Also, I will kiss bare male ass in the middle of the Vegas Strip  . . .  I will post pics if I need to.  --  IRRebel 2013

"Go ahead Rivertard does it.  Take a video though."

"If you did it in a dodge it would have shifted perfectly ran a thousand miles per hour and got optimum fuel mileage!"  Nordie  2012

76NORDIC

  • Karma: +23/-0
Re: Quick jokes
« Reply #252 on: March 07, 2013, 10:46:24 AM »
^^^^^^that there was funny ;D
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The definition of insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results.....Einstein

I refuse to call people an ass anymore. It insults hard working donkeys worldwide!

Horizonjet

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Quick jokes
« Reply #253 on: March 07, 2013, 10:59:57 AM »
You got ripped off,  didn't even come with tweezers like mine did....lol!
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76NORDIC

  • Karma: +23/-0
Re: Quick jokes
« Reply #254 on: March 07, 2013, 01:38:46 PM »
A guy walks into a crowded bar pointing a gun around, "Who the fuck has been sleeping with my wife?", he shouts out. A voice from the back replies "I don't think you brought enough ammo!" >:D
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The definition of insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results.....Einstein

I refuse to call people an ass anymore. It insults hard working donkeys worldwide!

Horizonjet

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Quick jokes
« Reply #255 on: March 13, 2013, 05:16:13 PM »
AWESOME!!!!!  I just seen the White House on Fox news and white smoke was coming out of chimney......  WE ARE GETTING A NEW PRESIDENT!!!!!!!!
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crewchief22

  • Karma: +66/-0
Re: Quick jokes
« Reply #256 on: March 19, 2013, 08:17:33 PM »
A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey “Hey! what are you doing?” The monkey says “Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend.”

So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is ‘dry’, and that he’s going to get a drink from the river.

At the riverbank, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the stoned lizard, helping him to the side.

He then asks the lizard, “What’s the matter with you?!” The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!

The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says “Hey, MONKEY!” The Monkey looks down and says “FUUUUUCK, DUDE……. how much water did you drink?”
  • Boat #1: '77 Hondo Pantera GT Jet
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"Racing is life!  Anything that happens before or after, is just waiting"    Steve McQueen

The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?

lauren_angulo

  • Karma: +1/-0
Re: Quick jokes
« Reply #257 on: March 19, 2013, 08:34:21 PM »
A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey “Hey! what are you doing?” The monkey says “Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend.”

So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is ‘dry’, and that he’s going to get a drink from the river.

At the riverbank, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the stoned lizard, helping him to the side.

He then asks the lizard, “What’s the matter with you?!” The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!

The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says “Hey, MONKEY!” The Monkey looks down and says “FUUUUUCK, DUDE……. how much water did you drink?”

hahahaha I'm dieing! 😂😂
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sevans01

  • Karma: +9/-0
Re: Quick jokes
« Reply #258 on: April 29, 2013, 12:16:01 PM »
[IMG]
  • Boat #1: 2000 Carrera 202 xr
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riptide84

  • Karma: +6/-0
Re: Quick jokes
« Reply #259 on: April 29, 2013, 01:14:50 PM »
Hahahahaha
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MID-LAKE-CRISIS

  • Karma: +3/-0
Re: Quick jokes
« Reply #260 on: May 08, 2013, 12:23:05 PM »

 hope these are fresh;


   I went to our local bar last night with my wife
   and locals started shouting "pedophile!" and
   other names at me, just because my wife is
   24 and I'm 50. It completely ruined our 10th anniversary.


   A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead".
   The operator says, "How can you tell?" Well, the man says
  "The sex is about the same...but the ironing is piling up!"


   My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl
   give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's three schools this year!
   You'd better stop before you're Banned from teaching altogether!"
« Last Edit: May 08, 2013, 01:12:55 PM by MID-LAKE-CRISIS »
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flatlanderjet

Havasukona455

  • Karma: +4/-0
Re: Quick jokes
« Reply #261 on: May 08, 2013, 01:04:28 PM »
hope this isnt a repeat, too lazy to read through the pages ;D

Frank is sitting at the bar with his two buddies. he turns and ask Jim, " what did you get your wife for christmas this year?". JIm says " well, this year i bought her a house down by the beach and one in the mountains". the other two look at each other and say " what did you do that for ?" Jim says " well, i figure if she doesnt like the house down by the beach she can use the house in the mountains" both men agree and move on. Frank turns to his other buddy Tim and says "what did you get your wife for christmas this year?" Tim says " well, i got her an suv and a sports car" both men look at each other and say " what did you do that for ?" Tim says " well, if she doesnt like the suv she can drive the sports car". both men agree and turn to frank and say " so Frank, what did you get your wife this christmas?" he turns to both men and says " fellas, i got her a pair of slippers and a vibrator". both men look at each other and say " what the hell did you do that for?" Frank says " well if she doesnt like the slippers, she can go fuck herself "   >:D >:D
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its got a big block, berkeley jet and just removed the seat belts to make it go faster

JordanDangerfield

  • Karma: +41/-0
Re: Quick jokes
« Reply #262 on: May 08, 2013, 03:49:34 PM »
hope this isnt a repeat, too lazy to read through the pages ;D

Frank is sitting at the bar with his two buddies. he turns and ask Jim, " what did you get your wife for christmas this year?". JIm says " well, this year i bought her a house down by the beach and one in the mountains". the other two look at each other and say " what did you do that for ?" Jim says " well, i figure if she doesnt like the house down by the beach she can use the house in the mountains" both men agree and move on. Frank turns to his other buddy Tim and says "what did you get your wife for christmas this year?" Tim says " well, i got her an suv and a sports car" both men look at each other and say " what did you do that for ?" Tim says " well, if she doesnt like the suv she can drive the sports car". both men agree and turn to frank and say " so Frank, what did you get your wife this christmas?" he turns to both men and says " fellas, i got her a pair of slippers and a vibrator". both men look at each other and say " what the hell did you do that for?" Frank says " well if she doesnt like the slippers, she can go **** herself "   >:D >:D

Hahahaa
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Bigblockchevy

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Quick jokes
« Reply #263 on: May 08, 2013, 08:53:11 PM »
That's good stuff
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MID-LAKE-CRISIS

  • Karma: +3/-0
Re: Quick jokes
« Reply #264 on: May 09, 2013, 07:19:48 PM »
   couple more just heard;

   My wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers,
   so I did.... She's 25 and her name is Kathy.

   The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if I could
   contribute towards the flash flooding in Kandahar, Afghanistan.
   I said, "I would love to, but my garden hose only reaches the driveway."
 
 
  • Boat #1: 1982 Haskell 17ft
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flatlanderjet

Horizonjet

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Quick jokes
« Reply #265 on: May 09, 2013, 07:31:50 PM »
Why do dairy farm stink?


Because of the dairy air

Sent from my DROID RAZR using SoCalJetBoats mobile app

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rivermikey

  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Quick jokes
« Reply #266 on: June 25, 2013, 04:56:53 PM »
Wife stands for= wash, iron, fuck, etc... We'll time for an upgrade because the last one only did 1..... ;D
  • Boat #1: 1992 Hardin Marine
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GlassCutter

  • Karma: +31/-0
Re: Quick jokes
« Reply #267 on: October 15, 2014, 08:56:25 PM »
COPPER COATED MICROCHIP IMPLANT ALLOWS TERRORISTS TO SPEAK TO GOD

The implant is specifically designed to be injected in the  forehead.

When properly installed, it will instantly allow the terrorist to speak to God.

It comes in various sizes: generally from .223 to .50 cal.
 



The exact size of the implant will be selected by a well-trained and highly skilled technician, who will also make the injection.
No Anesthetic is required. The implant is likely to be painless.
Side effects, like headaches, nausea, aches or pains are extremely temporary. Some bleeding or swelling may occur at the injection site. In most cases, it's not noticeable.
 
Please enjoy the security we provide for you.

Best regards,
 ARMY  RANGERS
We Lead The Way! 
  • Boat #1: 1973  Wriedt Montara 23
  • Boat #2: 1978 Spectra 20 460/Berkley
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Also, I will kiss bare male ass in the middle of the Vegas Strip  . . .  I will post pics if I need to.  --  IRRebel 2013

"Go ahead Rivertard does it.  Take a video though."

"If you did it in a dodge it would have shifted perfectly ran a thousand miles per hour and got optimum fuel mileage!"  Nordie  2012

crewchief22

  • Karma: +66/-0
Re: Quick jokes
« Reply #268 on: October 15, 2014, 09:20:11 PM »
COPPER COATED MICROCHIP IMPLANT ALLOWS TERRORISTS TO SPEAK TO GOD

The implant is specifically designed to be injected in the  forehead.

When properly installed, it will instantly allow the terrorist to speak to God.

It comes in various sizes: generally from .223 to .50 cal.
 



The exact size of the implant will be selected by a well-trained and highly skilled technician, who will also make the injection.
No Anesthetic is required. The implant is likely to be painless.
Side effects, like headaches, nausea, aches or pains are extremely temporary. Some bleeding or swelling may occur at the injection site. In most cases, it's not noticeable.
 
Please enjoy the security we provide for you.

Best regards,
 ARMY  RANGERS
We Lead The Way!

I guess this one was worth bringing this thread back from the dead  ;)   :thumbup:
  • Boat #1: '77 Hondo Pantera GT Jet
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"Racing is life!  Anything that happens before or after, is just waiting"    Steve McQueen

The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?

GlassCutter

  • Karma: +31/-0
Re: Quick jokes
« Reply #269 on: July 30, 2015, 03:58:40 PM »
 >:D
     

 I was in Chicago last week and while I was walking through the
        Oak Brook Mall, I saw a Muslim book store. I wondered what they
        would have there, so I went in and after a few minutes, a clerk asked
        me if I needed help. I asked her if they had Donald Trump's book on
        his "US Immigration Policy Regarding Muslims and Illegal Mexicans".
 
        The clerk replied, "FUCK OFF, GET OUT, AND STAY OUT".  I said
        "YES, that's the one, do you have it in paperback"? 
  • Boat #1: 1973  Wriedt Montara 23
  • Boat #2: 1978 Spectra 20 460/Berkley
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Also, I will kiss bare male ass in the middle of the Vegas Strip  . . .  I will post pics if I need to.  --  IRRebel 2013

"Go ahead Rivertard does it.  Take a video though."

"If you did it in a dodge it would have shifted perfectly ran a thousand miles per hour and got optimum fuel mileage!"  Nordie  2012

Bigblockchevy1691

  • Karma: +6/-0
Re: Quick jokes
« Reply #270 on: July 30, 2015, 08:39:27 PM »
That's pretty good.


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tunnels

  • Karma: +13/-0
Re: Quick jokes
« Reply #271 on: March 29, 2018, 09:34:34 AM »
What does a condom and a woman have in common, they both spend more time in your wallet then on your dick.
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I identify as Hansom, Intelligent, and charismatic so I expect to be treated as such!

angermgmt

  • Karma: +8/-0
Re: Quick jokes
« Reply #272 on: March 29, 2018, 10:02:00 AM »
Daddy what does a vagina look like?  Well son, before sex in looks like a pristine flower; after sex it looks like a bulldog got into a jar of mayonnaise. 


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Bigblockchevy1691

  • Karma: +6/-0
Re: Quick jokes
« Reply #273 on: March 29, 2018, 10:47:24 AM »



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08chevyguy

  • Karma: +39/-0
Re: Quick jokes
« Reply #274 on: March 30, 2018, 04:53:05 AM »
One of my bosses favorites....what is green and smells like pork?......kermit the frogs finger
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